Being a Superhuman

After a deep and inspiring conversation with a great friend of mine, Ted, about Liz Carr’s powerful interview “I’m disabled. Don’t tell me I’m better off dead,” I found myself reflecting not so much on the contentious debate surrounding assisted suicide that Liz refers to, but rather on the struggles that can be experienced as a disabled person. These are monumental topics as living a life as a disabled person often feels like navigating a maze designed by and for able-bodied individuals. A person must become so adaptable to the maze that they are struggling through, that other worlds and opportunities are closed down. This reality can be profoundly depressing and anxiety-inducing, as they constantly face a world that is biased for the ease/convenience of the able-bodied person.

Our world is constructed by those who can hear fully, see clearly, and coordinate their movements effortlessly. In such a world, what would it take for a disabled person to level the playing field? A superpower, perhaps? Super-strength, time-travel, or invisibility?

But here’s a secret many may not know: a lot of people living with long-term disabilities already possess a superpower—super-adaptability! When faced with unmet needs as they negotiate the maze designed by able bodied people, a person with a disability often learns to internalize their feelings, bottling them up until the weight is almost unbearable.

They master the art of compromise, picking a few necessary actions each day to achieve a fraction of what they truly need (maybe 10-15%). They might skip meals or drinking during travel due to the scarcity of accessible restrooms. For example, while train toilets might fit a wheelchair user, or their assistance dog, navigating the space, their balance, buttons they can’t see, remains a challenge. Yet, the mere presence of an accessible toilet is rare, and we must be grateful for the opportunity to pee. Each day is a relentless battle, more exhausting and more disheartening than the last.

As part of a large minority group, disabled individuals frequently face ostracism for their differences. The onus is on them to adapt if they wish to be deemed acceptable by society—for employment, for access to therapy, for holidays. Society often scapegoats them, inducing shame for simply existing.

My early therapy training tried to mold me into something I was not for over four years. As part of therapy training, we were all asked to learn about therapy from a grounded perspective, i.e. sitting on blankets on the ground. I had to choose safety and remain in my wheelchair. I prioritised my need for safety. Yet, this was continuously criticised and framed as avoidance. During an emotional release exercise with dancing, I was told that my emotions were wrong for feeling grief and anger when the group were dancing. They were joyous and in a flow-state, feeling free, and I should have been like them.

All the while, a few societal changes could have made a world of difference. There were many seats in the building so they could have easily joined me, even once or twice would have been nice, would have been collaborative. Some exercise could have been tailored to my physical needs instead of playing tug-of-war to play with anger/assertiveness, or dancing to express spontaneity and connection.

Learning from this and making a choice to move to a new training since then, finding new supportive friends, life has become more liveable. Obstacles still exist around travelling to courses, accommodation, etc. What’s different in my experience is the people around me, willing to witness disability and join me in my world, even for just a few hours, being empathetic rather than sympathetic.

Adaptability is still my superpower as there are still too many challenges in this maze to relinquish this skill. In reflection, being adaptable allowed others to not see me, it made me super-invisible too. Now, people will no longer put pressure on me to be silent. Having superpowers no longer isolates me. My needs are visible, and if they’re not acknowledged, I’m not afraid to say goodbye to those who choose to be blind. I refuse to be told by doctors, therapists, or 99% of people that I have met, that I need to change to be happy rather than being accepted as I am.

There’s a pervasive fear surrounding disability, likely rooted in misinformation. Are we merely pitied, feared, or considered a nuisance?

Do people avoid thinking about differences and potential pain?

‘Out of sight, out of mind’. Similar to what Liz says in her interview, society sometimes offers death as a solution, when helping us truly live should be the priority.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on a significant change in my workplace. It was the only major center in my area that was fully accessible to clients with disabilities and therapists who need full accessibility to be able to get to the location, get into the office and welcome others in independently, which was brilliant!!!!

However, a recent relocation rendered it wheelchair inaccessible. While the business rationale is understandable, the impact on clients is profound. It amputates their independence, retraumatizes them, and deprives them of essential services, forcing them to be super-adaptable again. If this had happened in my youth, I might have accepted this discrimination, denying my rights for a sliver of connection. As a part of a minority group that doesn’t have access to the full social world, building attachments is quite difficult. And for a therapy service to take this away from people…… even ‘regular people’ who have a therapist in a wheelchair……No one should have to lose a solid relationship and full-access to therapy, to survive in life.

Thrive Rather Than Survive

Reflecting on therapy, especially within the framework of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s immense potential for a world where disabled people are valued, not discarded. A world where we can thrive, not just survive. Social activism is often seen as brave because standing out with one’s values invites judgment. It’s challenging, yes. But focusing on the “social” aspect—teamwork, support, collaboration—makes thriving possible.

Are you surviving or thriving? This question isn’t just for disabled individuals but for everyone. Let’s work together to create a society where everyone’s superpowers are recognized and valued, enabling all of us to live our best lives.