Educational and reflective resource. You can use this resource independently or discuss it with a practitioner. It does not provide an individual assessment or establish a therapy relationship.
- For
- Disabled people in, or starting, therapy
- Time
- Dip in: a minute per situation
- Format
- Ready-made wording
- Prints
- Yes, as the whole page
- Evidence
- Written by this site; not yet tested with readers
Self-advocacy
script library.
Words for the moments that are hardest to find words for.
Ready-to-use phrases for therapy and the services around it, grouped by situation. They are starting points, not scripts to follow word for word. Change the tone and details to fit you.
Say it, write it, or point to it. You can read a line aloud, send it by email or text before a session, or show this page to your therapist.
You don’t have to explain. An access need or a “no” is a complete answer.
Fill in the brackets. Where you see [brackets], add your own specifics.
It’s a test, too. A good therapist will welcome these. If one is met with defensiveness, that tells you something useful.
The short version
Ready-made words for the moments that are hardest to find words for in therapy and the services around it: asking for access, saying an explanation doesn’t fit, raising a problem, or ending. Say a line, send it by message, or show the page to your therapist. The important distinction: you don’t have to explain an access need. “No” or a stated need is a complete answer. These are starting points to change, not scripts to follow word for word. They haven’t yet been tested with disabled readers. Next step: find your situation in the list and adapt one sentence to your own words.
Find your situation
- Before you start
- Asking for access
- When an explanation doesn’t fit
- Changing the method
- Bringing up what matters
- When something went wrong
- Records, letters and privacy
- Carers, family and services
- Pausing or ending therapy
- Writing it down instead
Written by this site, mostly drawn from the “Words you can use” sections of our flagship topics and comparative cases. Each section links to where its phrases come from.
Before you start
For a first call or email with a therapist you are considering.
More in Questions to Ask Before You Start.
Asking for access
When you need something to change so you can take part fully. You don’t have to justify an access need beyond saying what it is.
From Assertiveness and Access Requests and Missed Sessions. For a written version, use the access request template.
When an explanation doesn’t fit
When a therapist’s account of what is going on doesn’t match your experience.
From Fatigue or Avoidance?, When Disability Gets Misread as Psychology, Asking for Help and Medical Mistrust.
Changing the method
When an exercise, technique or way of working isn’t right for you, or when something is working and you’d like more of it.
From Body-Focused Exercises, Body Image & Embodiment and When to Adapt or Change Direction. See also Comparing Approaches.
Bringing up what matters
For raising disability, care, sex, anger or anything else that is hard to start talking about.
From Dependency, Interdependence and Care, Sexuality and Intimate Care and Anger After Discrimination.
When something went wrong
When something a therapist said or did hurt, or didn’t sit right. Saying so gives the therapy a chance to repair it.
From Rupture and Repair.
Records, letters and privacy
When you want to know what is written about you and who sees it.
From Medical Mistrust and Medical Trauma.
Carers, family and services
For conversations with the people and services involved in your support.
From Carer Guide, Asking for Help and Sexuality and Intimate Care.
Pausing or ending therapy
When you want a break, a different therapist, or to finish.
Writing it down instead
If saying something in the room feels too hard, a short message before the session often works. For example:
“Hi [name], there’s something I’d like to talk about next time, and I find it easier to write it first. [What happened, or what you need.] I’d like us to [what you would like to change]. I don’t need to go into it straight away, but I wanted you to know.”
For access requests in writing, use the access request template. For a plan for bad days, use the flare plan for therapy.
Tell us what’s missing
Is there a moment you couldn’t find words for that isn’t here? A phrase that didn’t work for you? We’d like to hear, especially from people whose experience of disability is different from ours. Get in touch.
About these scripts
These phrases were written by this site, drawing on our flagship topics and comparative cases. They have not yet been tested with disabled readers, and we will revise them as we hear back.
We have not located research on whether self-advocacy scripts help disabled clients raise concerns in therapy, or which kinds of wording work best.
One sentence I use
“That doesn’t work for my body. Can we find another way?” It’s a simple statement, but it allows me to communicate my needs without apologising for them or treating my disability as something that needs to be justified.
Casey Donaghey is the psychotherapist behind this site and lives with cerebral palsy.