Living, enjoying, relating.

Seven ordinary moments

Fictional examples

Spending energy on something good. Saoirse has a fluctuating condition and two good hours most evenings. This week she spends them at a pub quiz with friends, and lets the washing wait. It was worth it, and that’s the whole story.

A hobby with assistance. Peter loves fishing. His PA sets up the gear and then sits further down the bank with a book. They agreed that arrangement a long time ago, so Peter gets his quiet.

Making a friend. Aoibhe, who is autistic, met someone in an online knitting group. They message most days and haven’t met in person. Aoibhe likes it that way.

Feeling attractive. Malik bought a jacket that fits well sitting down. He felt good in it at a wedding, and danced in his chair. He doesn’t want it to mean anything more than that.

Thursdays. Tom is 81. He uses a mobility scooter and two hearing aids, and has done since his late sixties. Thursday is bowls, then soup at the club with the same four men he’s known for years. He sits nearest the window so he can hear. Nobody makes a fuss, and that’s why he likes it.

Opening night. Gráinne has Down syndrome and has been in a community theatre group for nine years. This year she has a speaking part. She has opinions about the director’s choices and shares them freely.

The festival. Roisín has osteogenesis imperfecta and uses a wheelchair. She went to a music festival with friends and booked the accessible viewing platform, well away from the crowd at the front. Her friends complained that she’d got the best view.

Everyone here is fictional. None of these is a lesson.

Friendship and belonging

• The Token Disabled Friend: when a friendship is more about the other person’s image than about you
• The Allies Archetype: friends who stand alongside, not in front
• Shame, Difference and Belonging

Identity, in your own words

• Narrative Therapy, Disability and Identity: telling your story your way
• Language and Disability: choosing the words that fit you

Attraction, sex and intimacy

For adults. These pages discuss sex, desire and intimate care.

• Sexuality and Disability in Therapy: bringing sex and desire into therapy, if you want to
• Disability, Sexuality and Pleasure
• Partners, Care and Intimacy: when a partner is also a supporter
• Sexuality and Intimate Care: one situation, several readings

Bringing the good stuff to therapy

Therapy isn’t only for problems. You can talk about what you enjoy, what you want more of, or a relationship that’s going well. A good therapist won’t turn your pleasure into homework. See What Good Therapy Can Look Like.