Exercise 03 · Full guide · Anger
Anger Map.
Anger is information. The question is what it’s telling you.
A mapping exercise that treats anger as a signal rather than a symptom. The client places pieces of their anger where they belong, asks what each piece is protecting, and chooses what to do with it.
1Why this exercise exists
Disabled people are often told, directly or not, that their anger is a problem. The stereotype of the “bitter” disabled person is old and persistent. The result is that anger goes underground, turns into exhaustion or depression, or is aimed at the self and the body.
In therapy, anger can also be treated mainly as something to regulate. Sometimes that’s needed. But if a client is angry about being excluded, disbelieved or mistreated, calming the anger without hearing it can repeat the harm.
The Anger Map slows things down. It asks where the anger is actually directed, what it’s protecting, and what would honour it.
At the body
Anger at a body that hurts, fails or changes. Often close to grief.
At people and systems
Anger at what was done, said, refused or ignored. Often accurate.
At the self
Anger turned inward, sometimes because it felt unsafe to aim it anywhere else.
2The thinking behind it
Anger as information
In her 1981 keynote The Uses of Anger, later published in Sister Outsider, Audre Lorde argued that anger at injustice carries information and energy, and that suppressing it serves the people who benefit from the injustice. She was writing about racism, and her argument has been taken up widely in disability communities.
Emotion-focused therapy makes a related clinical distinction: some anger is primary and adaptive, a healthy response to violation that helps a person protect themselves. Some is secondary, covering hurt or fear. Both deserve attention, and they need different things.
Anger and disability
Disabled people meet a lot to be angry about: barriers, disbelief, being talked over, being treated as a burden or an inspiration. Expressing it can be risky when you depend on the people or services involved. That makes anger at the self, or at the body, a safer target. Part of this exercise is checking for that redirection.
Grief wearing armour
Anger at the body often sits close to grief: for abilities lost, a life expected, or a future that looks different. The map lets both appear without forcing either into the other.
3What it looks like in a session
Fictional example Sinéad, 52, has rheumatoid arthritis. She says she’s “angry all the time” and hates herself for snapping at her family.
I’m just a horrible person to be around at the moment.
Could we draw it out? Five circles: your body, particular people, services, how people see disability, and yourself. Where does the anger go?
The biggest is the rheumatology waiting list. Then my hands. Then my sister, who keeps saying I look fine.
And the “myself” circle?
That one’s big too. But looking at it… it’s for snapping. Which is because of the others.
So some of the anger at yourself might really belong to the waiting list.
The work shifts from self-criticism to two clearer threads: a complaint about the waiting list, which Sinéad decides to make, and grief about her hands, which she hasn’t had room for.
4How to run it
Ask first, and agree a time limit. Remind the client they can stop at any point, shorten it, or take the rest home.
- 3 minutes
Find its targets
Draw five circles: my body or condition, specific people, services or systems, society’s attitudes, myself. Place pieces of the anger in each. Size can show strength.
“If your anger could split into pieces, where would each piece go?”
Why: Seeing the size of each circle often surprises people.
- 5–8 minutes
Ask each piece three questions
What happened? What does this anger protect or value? What does it want?
“What is this piece of anger standing up for?”
Why: This turns anger from a symptom into a message.
- 3 minutes
Check for turned-inward anger
Is any anger at yourself really anger at a barrier, or at a person it felt unsafe to show?
“If it were safe, who would this be aimed at?”
- 3–5 minutes
Choose an outlet for each piece
An unsent letter, movement within capacity, art, a complaint, campaigning, disability community, or simply being witnessed in the room.
“What would honour this piece, without costing you more spoons?”
Why: Being witnessed is a valid outlet. Not every piece needs action.
Reflection prompts
- Who taught you your anger was too much, or not allowed?
- Which anger is grief wearing armour?
- What would honouring this anger look like, without it costing you more spoons?
5Adapting it
| If… | Try |
|---|---|
| Energy is low | Map only. Leave the questions for another session. |
| Speaking about anger feels unsafe | Use colour or size only, without words, and talk about the drawing. |
| The client depends on the people they’re angry with | Plan outlets carefully. Unsent letters and the therapy room come first. |
| Online sessions | Use a shared drawing tool, or have the client draw and hold it up. |
| Groups | Use shared targets (systems, attitudes) rather than personal ones. |
6Through different approaches
The exercise sits inside most ways of working. What changes is what you do with what comes up.
Emotion-focused
Distinguish primary adaptive anger from secondary anger covering hurt, and help the adaptive anger find expression.
“What does this anger want to say?”
CBT
Look at beliefs about anger (“angry people are bad”) and at whether thoughts about the self are accurate.
“What does it mean about you that you’re angry?”
Person-centred
Accept the anger fully as part of the client’s experience, without steering.
“It sounds like you have every reason to be angry.”
Psychodynamic
Notice anger redirected from people who felt too dangerous to be angry with.
“Who was it not safe to be angry with, growing up?”
ACT
Make room for anger while choosing values-based action.
“What would you do with this anger if it pointed you towards what matters?”
Narrative
Externalise anger as a messenger rather than a trait.
“If anger were a messenger, what has it been trying to deliver?”
7Signs it’s helping, and when to hold back
Signs it’s helping
- Less anger at the self, clearer anger at what caused it.
- The client can say what their anger protects.
- At least one piece has an outlet that doesn’t cost too much.
- Grief appears alongside anger and is allowed.
- The client feels their anger was heard, not managed.
When to hold back
- Go gently with anger at the body. It can sit close to grief and shame.
- Don’t steer towards forgiveness or calm as the goal.
- Watch capacity. Anger work is tiring.
- If anger becomes risky to the client or others, shift to safety first.
8Printable worksheet
My anger map · Date: __________
Where my anger goes (write or draw in each)
One piece of anger: what happened, what it protects, what it wants
How I’ll honour it
9Evidence & sources
- Established conceptLorde, A. (1984). The uses of anger: Women responding to racism. In Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Crossing Press.
- Established conceptGreenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings. American Psychological Association.
- Research findingReeve, D. (2002). Negotiating psycho-emotional dimensions of disability and their influence on identity constructions. Disability & Society, 17(5), 493–508.
- Our frameworkThe Anger Map is this site’s own tool, not a validated measure.
- Not yet knownIt hasn’t been tested as an intervention.
Related: Shame, Difference and Belonging · Grieving the Life You Expected · Ableism Debrief · All eleven exercises